Fat experiences

I think this goes without saying, but table the kink talk until you deal with you're wife's insecurity. Telling her that her fat belly makes you horny may backfire at this stage.

Talk to her one on one. Tell her that you find her sexy and attractive, so it makes you sad that she doesn't see herself that way.

Depending on how things go, she may be fine with keeping her belly or gaining more fat. However, you need to prepare to help her lose the weight.

It's her body and her choice. Whatever happens, she has the final say. You need to support her 100%.

They can. But it can take some time. Sometimes you might even need multiple conversations. Little baby steps.

Other times you gotta wait on the other person to open up. But be clear that you are willing to listen whenever she's ready.

For example, the next time you guys are cuddling on the sofa, you might say to her, "I just wanted you to know I love you. You are the most beautiful person in the world to me. I know you're going through something right now. Just know that no matter what it is, I'm here for you. When you're ready, I'm willing to listen and support you."

In the mean time, help her be active in little ways. For example, go on walks with her at least once a week and start buying more healthy foods. She her that you support her without pushing her to choose one thing or another .

This sounds familiar. I can totally relate… we have a good relationship and two kids and my wife has gained about 40 pounds since we met which is very awesome to watch and turns me on. I guess she just doesn’t have the sexual link to weight gain meaning she‘s not completely uncomfortable but it’s no like she gets turned on by her (or my) weight gain. She sometimes takes my hand and put ts it on her gut which shows me it’s not a hate-relationship between her and her body. I guess it has a lot to do with some kind of brainwashing by society. She says fat is not beautiful yet she buys chocolate all the time and enjoys herself… an altogether weird situation. I have come out to her that I‘m a fat admirer a long time ago and she’s ok with it although she can’t completely understand it. As long as she keeps eating chocolate I‘m ok with it too🙂
My advice: you should also come out to her when the moment is right. It’s not just about her but also about you. The other guys said you need to wait until she opens up but I also think you have to right to let her know how you feel about it all. Tell her it’s a natural thing. There’s way more fat admirers out there than we know. It’s completely ok to like big women and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. A lot more FA guys should come out of the closet.

Give her a day of pampering that includes clothes shopping and a make over. Maybe get some ideas from some of the ladies here for places that sell elegant, well fitting clothes for fuller figures. Make her see how attractive she is. While she's getting her hair and nails did, take a few of her chores off her plate...don't get her feeling glamorous then have her come home to do dishes. Show her appreciation for who she is and all she does, it helps self esteem and makes it easier to see yourself as attractive. Compliment her, but not her figure. Go for the eyes, hair,smile, etc. then move slowly back into complimenting her figure.

Hi Duncan,

Interesting situation. I think there are some possibilities, but it's kind of hard to tell if things are as I think they are.

If you've lived together for 20 years, so that means you know each other very well. She must know what you like, but she doesn't see the positive side of her weight like you do.

In general, I would try to support her in what she wants. Don't force your view point on her. Obviously she's heard them all and doesn't share them. She sounds smart and probably can only be convinced by evidence.

If she says she wants to lose weight it could because of health reasons. Or maybe she knows someone that has weight related health issues. Of course, she could be overreacting, she wont be the first. But she could have legitimate health concerns. So tread carefully.

It also possible that maybe she just doesn't like the idea of being fat and it makes her feel unattractive. Maybe she hold herself to very high standards. Maybe she wants to wear that one dress she could when she was younger. Maybe she's been treated badly by people because of her weight. Could one of many reasons. If this is the case, talking about it can help. Stay away from fetish talk, but ask her why she feels this way about herself. I wouldn't try to get her to change or anything, just listening might is the best approach. Learn what is bothering her.